11:06 and I am writing this.

I sit here in the dark of my computer room. Resting from the day I had. The different emotions that has resulted in my head. Still at the end of the day I find happiness. The last time I had this happiness was when I fell for my last crush, even no I was not happy. If anything I was faced with intolerable possible events, that plagued my mind, my heart. If I can sum it up in one word, fear, at the end of the day it was fear. At the end, what I thought could happened what I fear indeed it happened.

Funny thing is, I have this happiness not a basis on a boy. I can easily think of a cute guy and get a small high off of that. No that, everything is miraculously coming in place. I can breathe, I can imagine myself in a stable situation. I still have a bit fear for the future, but as long as I have something hold on to. I guess I am fine?

Who truly knows the future? God, thats what I was taught. Thats what I believed in for many years. Why is my faith not as strong as it used to be? Where am in this body? My soul is no longer shining they way it use to. They say I am strong. I think I put on a good front. When someone hurts me I am crying like abandoned baby. Wondering what I deserve to have this pain inflicted on to me.

My favorite things to do is ask "why?". I have a mind of my own. Believe it or not I am smart.
But I crave to know what you think. For instance, what do you think of me?

call it curiosity. I have right to know.

 11:24 and I am going to bed...................

~let the pieces fall as they may~

~Okay so obviously there something going on
obviously its making me think 
okay over think

you know you can run 
you know you can try to hide
but at the end of the day their still they're waiting

until you really go through them 
until you feel every emotion 
that God made, hopefully 
you learn from them and move on

not saying im done with the emotion
but im ready to accept them 
i do not want to run
i do not want to hide

so thank you for bearing with me 
thank you for being there
thank and i love you for this forever

i can say i am happy with the situation 
what ever happens
let the pieces fall as they may~

lifes a lesson

So I woke up this morning feeling free all of the binds of the heart ache from every angle in my life, All the lessons that I was post to learn during that time of stormy weather i feel i have learned I am ready to let go of the bondage that with holds me and let go. Its time to move on and i take what i learned and go. On the way I will learn something new , but for what i have learned do not be bind by man keep going keep moving even through tough times

sooooooooo, life it can be hell, it can be great, it can be what ever. but ultimately life is what you want it to be so if you spend the time dwelling in the past or the let down that life give us to prove that were strong. you do not really grasp how great life can truly be. I know I am optimistic but at the same time i been through the let down and kicked when I am already down and i say this if you allow your self to think the worse in every situation you life is going to be the worse so be optimistic or at least try to be.