I sit here in the dark of my computer room. Resting from the day I had. The different emotions that has resulted in my head. Still at the end of the day I find happiness. The last time I had this happiness was when I fell for my last crush, even no I was not happy. If anything I was faced with intolerable possible events, that plagued my mind, my heart. If I can sum it up in one word, fear, at the end of the day it was fear. At the end, what I thought could happened what I fear indeed it happened.
Funny thing is, I have this happiness not a basis on a boy. I can easily think of a cute guy and get a small high off of that. No that, everything is miraculously coming in place. I can breathe, I can imagine myself in a stable situation. I still have a bit fear for the future, but as long as I have something hold on to. I guess I am fine?
Who truly knows the future? God, thats what I was taught. Thats what I believed in for many years. Why is my faith not as strong as it used to be? Where am in this body? My soul is no longer shining they way it use to. They say I am strong. I think I put on a good front. When someone hurts me I am crying like abandoned baby. Wondering what I deserve to have this pain inflicted on to me.
My favorite things to do is ask "why?". I have a mind of my own. Believe it or not I am smart.
But I crave to know what you think. For instance, what do you think of me?
call it curiosity. I have right to know.
11:24 and I am going to bed...................
